Steps to Dealing With Anger
Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of anger is a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad : the feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout, etc. : the feeling of being angry.
Anger is an emotion that we all experience. It affects every person regardless of race, sex, nationality, age, or status. Although anger is an emotion, it will most often manifest as a behavior.
Anger in itself is not necessarily bad. It becomes a problem when it is expressed inappropriately. Yelling, screaming, belittling, and hitting are just some of the ways anger is expressed inappropriately. Beneath anger there are other emotions: hurt, guilt, shame, bitterness, fear, insecurity, worry, sorrow, hatred and inadequacy.
Did you know there’s good anger? When we watch the news and hear of a child being physically abused, an elderly person mistreated, or someone hit by a drunk driver, there’s a righteous anger that should cause us to stand up and speak up.
Anger affects our health. There are scientific and medical research findings that have linked serious diseases to negative emotions. Angry people experience increased heart beats, increased blood pressure, sweaty hands and tensed muscles.
Here are some ways to deal with anger.
Pray. Ask God to help you. He is a very present help in troubled times.
Admit that you are angry. Remember there is nothing wrong with anger when it is expressed in a healthy manner. Share with those close to you how you feel.
Identify the source of your anger. It could be the old messages that are replaying from your childhood (e.g. you are worthless; you will never amount to anything; you are stupid).
Do not blame others, make excuses, or justify your anger. Take responsibility for how you choose to express anger. People will often say this person made me angry. Maybe what was said or done was the catalyst for anger, but you have a choice how you will respond.
Take a deep breath. Focusing on your breathing will help you to take the focus off of the negative thoughts.
Walk away. This gives you time to think and not respond in the same manner as perhaps the angry person responded to you. Yelling back at someone that is yelling at you is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Get to the root of the problem. Keep in mind that the angry person may not be angry at you. There could be something else going on in the person’s life completely unrelated to you.
Identify the negative self-talk. Think about what you are thinking about. Negative beliefs and expectations of self and others fuel anger. Learn to stop thinking the thoughts that are making you angry. For example, you might say to yourself, “If I keep thinking negative thoughts, I will continue to be angry.” If the clerk at the store was rude you might say, “She probably had a long day. Her frustration has nothing to do with me.”
What will you do to let go of your own anger?